


Here I Linger

by Myka



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Afterlife, Canon Compliant, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-31
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-30 03:50:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19034188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Myka/pseuds/Myka
Summary: When Ash decided to let go of everything he never expected to wake back up.





	Here I Linger

**Author's Note:**

> No archived warnings for now. May update as I go.

* * *

Ash doesn't feel anything.

Nothing at all.

He stares at his own body and just wonders how long will it take for someone to notice. How long until someone checks and sees the puddle of blood on the floor.

It had been so easy in the end to let all of it go. He had never been afraid of this. Never.

He looks at the letter now stained with blood. The ticket beneath. Nothing but a final dream. A dream that was never meant for him. The world he was part of wouldn't allow it. Lao was just the last reminder that his world brought nothing but violence and death and that it spared no one. Not even him.

“Do you feel free now?”

Ash feels his entire body shake at the sound of the familiar voice. His head turns quickly. His eyes widen. “Shorter…” Ash doesn’t run to his friend. He doesn’t move, just trembles. “I’m sorry, Shorter. I’m sorry.”

Shorter scratches the back of his head and approaches. “Don't apologize. What for? For saving me? For not letting me suffer?”

Ash still shakes. “For dragging you into all of it. For not noticing you were being pushed before it was too late. I should have seen it coming.”

“Hey.” Shorter pokes Ash’s cheek hard.

“Ouch!” Ash moves away. He glares and rubs his cheek. “I can still feel pain?”

Shorter shrugs. “I think it’s more a memory thing. I haven’t figured it all out yet.”

“Is my brother here? Skip?” Ash asks with hint of hope.

Shorter shakes his head. “I haven’t met either of them here. Very few of us linger. Most move on.”

“Linger?”

Shorter leans next to Ash on the table. “Linger. Stay behind. Can’t move on or won’t,” he shrugs. “It’s not like anyone has explained it to me. I just know I’m still here and now you are here.”

“But why?” Movement catches Ash’s eyes as a librarian informs him he can’t sleep in the library. Her smile is warm. “Why am I still here? Why can I see the world is still going?”

“I don’t know.” Shorter answers as the librarian leaves when a couple asks for something. “Like I said, no one has explained it to me.” He moves away from Ash’s side, closer to his body. “You look calm. She didn't even notice.”

“It felt calm. The world fading around me…”

“Wish I could say the same.” Shorter bites down on his lip. Ash winces. They share a knowing glance and Shorter apologizes.

Who knew death would be so complicated.

“He will be sad.” Shorter adds.

A smiling child hurries past Ash with a book in hand. “Who?”

“Eiji.”

“He’s safe back in Japan.” Ash grits his teeth. “I had no intention of ever seeing him again; of putting him in danger again.”

Shorter purses his lips like he wants to say something, but changes his mind. “But he’ll find out. Max will tell him, or Sing. He’s going to find out.”

“He’s where he belongs. Safe.” Ash’s voice quivers. “And now he has no reason to come back.”

“Why didn’t you—”

“It’s done! I’m done! I’m dead!” Ash cries out. “I will never see him again! Will never touch him again! He will never come back! It’s done.” A strangled cry. “It’s over.” A dying sob. “It was supposed to be over…”

Shorter wraps his arms around Ash. He doesn't say anything. Doesn’t need to.

Ash cries out everything he kept inside as the living move around them. Cries out this short life of suffering with flickers of light. Screams it all out until it eases, until the pain becomes dull and tears no longer fall.

Then together, Shorter and Ash watch and wait until someone finally notices the blood. Until someone finally screams.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little shorter than I like my chapters, but I couldn't make it longer. I tried ^^
> 
> Find me on Twitter: https://twitter.com/mykafl


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